Yet another Monday

Just one Monday I'd like to come to work without a chip on my shoulder.

I was off sick last week, it was horrible, I couldn't really breathe all that well and I just felt like shit (and that's putting it mildly). I was in bed all week.

On Thursday night we had an appointment with the wedding planner or is that co-ordinator? Regardless, I had a very hard time breathing. It had nothing to do with being sick, but it was a convenient excuse and I got away with it.

I don't want to get married. There, I said it. I get so caught up in the planning and his excitement that I think I do, but now I think, in all honesty, that I don't.

To make matters worse: he told his Mom this weekend and asked her to help with the making of various things, including my dress. Fuck.

Since last night was Sunday we, of course, had to fight. Sunday mornings as soon as he opens his eyes it starts.....you're going to have a FUCKING week again. Cleaning all the desktops for all the guys at work... it pisses me off, he knows it, and it is the same thing, week in and week out. You try living with that every Sunday without fail for 8 months and tell me that you will not be beyond pissed off.

I want to stab him. Or something like that. Talking to a friend now and he used "BUNDY" as a descriptive. Now Ted Bundy has nothing on 'him', but according to Scrat it means: 'Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition But Unfortunately Not Deat Yet'. I have to say, I appreciate his explanation more.

So here I am, in deep kak again. I should've listened and blah, blah (to all of you saying I told you so), BUT . . . .

. . . how do I pay all the debt that we've accumulated? And yes, I know you warned me about that too. At least we're at the point now that he knows I want him out of there, unfortunately, he also knows about the financial situation, so I'm in limbo. Being in limbo is more stressful than actually knowing what you're going to do, but I have to hang in there for now.

The problem is that there are these moments when he is the sweetest guy under the sun, but these are getting less and less and they are truelly few and far between these days . . .

I am not a fuck around chick, so yes it hurts when he says that, but lately it hasn't hurt as much as just pissing me off. This is a dangerous place for me to be. He doesn't know me when I snap and he doesn't want to. He is too dumb to realise how far he's pushing me or what I'm capable of! ! !

Ag, I dunno, maybe I'll feel different again, but just to let you know - since he's been around Monday has a whole new reason to SUCK!!!!!