Silence no more!

' "Some Kind Of Monster" - Metallica

These are the eyes that can't see me

These are the hands that drop your trust

These are the boots that kick you around

This is the tongue that speaks on the inside

These are the ears that ring with hate

This is the face that'll never change

This is the fist that grinds you down

This is the voice of silence no more

These are the legs in circles run

This is the beating you'll never know

These are the lips that taste no freedom

This is the feel that's not so safe

This is the face that you'll never change

This is the god that ain't so pure

This is the god that is not pure

This is the voice of silence no more

We the people

Are we the people?

Some kind of monster

This monster lives

This is the face that stones you cold

This is the moment that needs to breathe

These are the claws that scratch these wounds

This is the pain that never leaves

This is the tongue that whips you down

This is the burden of every man

These are the screams that pierce your skin

This is the voice of silence no more

This is the test of flesh and soul

This is the trap that smells so good

This is the flood that drains these eyes

These are the looks that chill to the bone

These are the fears that swing over head

These are the weights that hold you down

This is the end that will never end

This is the voice of silence no more

We the people

Are we the people?

Some kind of monster

This monster lives

This is the cloud that swallows trust

This is the black that uncolors us

This is the face that you hide from

This is the mask that comes undone

Ominous

I'm in us'

I've had it. Really.

My weekend sucked. And why? Because I allow it to happen. I had a lot more guts when I started writing this. Something's gotta give and this time it's not going to be me.

Scrat saw this coming, but I had other convictions. The truth is a heartless bitch at the end of it all. I've been reading up on verbal abuse. Interesting subject. Now, in all honesty, I am a victim but I am also an aggressor. Both these conclusions lead me to the bigger truth that if this is my current relationship then what good is it doing either of us?

There is a fine line between loving someone and being in a sick relationship. Mine is the latter, but I am still to shit scared to really do anything about it. So, in reality, when all else fails and you've nowhere to turn, go to your mom for advice. Poor Mom, doesn't know what's coming, I hope she's in a 'I want what is the best for you' mood, because if there is anyone that I trust for advice this time it'll be her. She said something to me the other day that made me do a double take. She said: 'He really loves you'. I had no reply to give her then, but I think it's about time that I come clean with her about what goes on behind closed doors. . .

I gave her a little insight over the phone and her response was that she's only heard his side of the story and my side adds a whole different perspective on this entire situation. Can you believe that I am so weak? I don't have the guts to just stand up and say 'get out!!' What am I scared of?

I don't have the answer to that but as soon as I do, I will share my enlightenment. Till then, keep 'em crossed for me and help me hope that I'll be making the decision that will be right for all of us in the end. I don't wish him any harm, but I am not going to let myself get hurt the entire time because I am scared of bad karma or being alone or whatever the hell it is that is keeping me here.