Short Story

I knew a guy, we got engaged, we broke it off and moved on. He was 34 years old this year.

He died.

The end.

Positive Thinking

Fuck positive thinking by the way. It sux, you just set yourself up for disappointment.

Much easier to expect the worst. That way if something good DOES happen you really appreciate it.

Pissed off

It's Friday. Whoopee fucking doo. I am so pissed off I could probably boil an egg in my ass.

I have to work this weekend, that is the good news. I have to go home tonight - that is the bad news.

How do you describe anger. As soon as I try to find the words I go blank and hear my own voice squeeling inside my head:

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK OFF, FUCK OFF, FUCK OFF, NO REALLY, FUCK OFF. YOU'RE A FUCKING (INSERT WORD HERE, MY CURRENT FAVOURITE IS POES - CUNT IN ENGLISH, BUT NOT AS SATISFYING AS POES). I FUCKING HATE YOUR GUTS, I HOPE YOU GET AN ENORMOUS PAIN IN YOUR ASS AND BALLS AT THE SAME TIME etc, etc.

I am so angry I can't even blog what happened. Combine the anger with the fact that I have never come across anything so ridiculous in my life and then you come up with a complete blank, a space filled with primal anger.

Is it considered a crime of passion when you want to kill someone with your bare hands? Or even better, bite their throat open with your teeth and watch the person bleed out? Or play saw. . .

I can't ever recall being this angry in my life. I have high blood pressure and I can feel my blood pumping behind my eyes and I'm sure that if I were to hook up to a BP machine now the news would not be good.

Violence solves nothing, right? BEEP-BEEP RICHIE (quote from IT), I think it does. I think that if I hit the shit out of my agressor I will feel better, no lies.

So what I really want to know is this: can brute anger overcome a weight and hight advantage and will I get away with murder if I fake a couple of injuries and claim self defense?

By the way, even after posting this I still don't feel better. And no, I still don't want to talk about it! ! !

Reply to one of those "getting to know you" thingies

Welcome to the 2007 edition of getting to know your friends. What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you'll send. Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to your friends including the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends, that you might not have known!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 06:00

2. Diamonds or pearls? Why pick just 1?

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Pirates of the Caribbean 2

4. What is your favorite TV show? CSI, NCIS

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Coffee

6. Favorite cuisine? Good ole SA Braai, chops and pap & sheba

7. What is your middle name? Don’t have one, have enough trouble coping with a first name
8. What food do you dislike? Liver & any intestines

9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Collective Soul – Best of

10. What kind of car do you drive? Hyundai Getz 1.3 Celadon Blue

11. Favorite sandwich? Peanut butter

12. What characteristic do you despise? Two faced people, manipulation

13. Favorite item of clothing? My slippers

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? Tibet, Egypt and Mexico

15. What color is your bathroom? Blue and yellow

16. Favorite brand of clothing? Anything comfortable
17. Where would you retire to? Alaska

18. What was your most recent memorable birthday? This year, for sure! ! !
19. Favorite sport to watch? Rugby

20. Furthest place you are sending this? Canada

21. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Putty

22. Person you expect to send it back first? Dunno

23. Favorite saying? Fuck you, Fuck off and have a Fuck Fine Day

24. When is your birthday? 17 March

25. Are you a morning person or a night person? Neither – I’m at my best when I sleep. I guess an afternoon person, ask me after coffee no 12 for the day

26. What is your shoe size? 4/5 (SA Sizes) depending on the make

27. Pets? G?
28. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? It might be overshare to some of you but I never have to have another period in my life, no pads, no tampons, no cramps – in a word: BLISS! ! !
29. What did you want to be when you were little? A grown-up

30. How are you today? Bored

31. What is your favorite candy? Astro’s

32. What is your favorite flower? Sunflowers, Nerine
33. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward? Sometime in June next year. No definite date yet and it isn’t my wedding day!!!
34. What are you listening to now? Temple of love - Sisters of Mercy

35. What was the last thing you ate? Chewing Gum

36. Do you wish on stars? Of course, stars, eye lashes, dreams. . .

37. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Neon Pink

38. How is the weather right now? Sunny and HOT

39. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Bettie

40. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes, plain and simple yes. Although I think adore would be a better word

41. Favorite drink? Coffee

42. Favorite restaurant? Perfumed gardens

43. Hair color? Reddish, brownish and lately a little grey

44. Siblings? Yes (3 half, 2 step) > 45. Favorite day of the year? Anybody else’s birthday
46. What was your favorite toy as a child? my sister?! My radio and (back then) tapes - walkman

47. Summer or winter? Winter

48. Hugs or kisses? BOTH

49. Chocolate or Vanilla? Depends entirely on the moment and what it’s for

50. Do you want your friends to email you back? Hell yes, it took me ages to do this and forward so. . .

51. When was the last time you cried? I honestly can’t remember – will have to check my blog

52. What is under your bed? I am WAY too much of a pissy to check, it’s probably better that I DON’T know!!

53. Who is the friend you have had the longest? My mom (too cheesy??) Tersia, since gr. 5

54. What did you do last night? Baked the kids birthday cakes for school, had great make-up sex and then slept like a corpse!!

55. Favorite smell? Veldfire, my kids, G, Putty's chops on an open fire, G’s side of the bed after he gets up in the morning and the smell of sweet cookies baking at Ouma’s house .

56. What are you afraid of? People, spiders, confined spaces
57. Plain, buttered, or salted Popcorn? buttered

58. How many keys on your key ring? 5 : car key, 2 house keys, 2 police man

59. How many years at your current job? Since 2003, my math isn’t too good, but I guess it’s almost 4 years?

60. Favorite day of the week? Any day that I DON’T have to work

61. How many towns have you lived in? 4

62. Do you make friends easily? Not anymore, I am growing not only old, but grumpy as well. Don’t have a lot of tolerance for my own bullshit and even less for other people’s

Dear Dad,

I will always remember.

Dear Putty,

Thanks for keeping it alive :o)

For your viewing pleasure. This is both my Dad and Putty and they'll both know how much it means and how much they mean to me.

Love you guys!

A Comment I got . . .

"Think of all the people that you have betrayed? A... Think of all the people that you have betrayed? Are you really that innocent? Are you really the blacksheep of the family or did you create that yourself? You might have betrayed the wrong person maybe the only honest person that's why you might not get the help if you ask, Should you not rather take the first step and ask forgiveness, Does your Bible not tel you that you should ask forgiveness to be forgiven, It takes a man to admit but it take a mouse to hide and expect sympathy, I's sure you must have done something very wrong if you don't get the help you so desparetly want/ Have you maybe borrowed of people and never returned their belongings of their money. " I quote something i read in the Bible just last night"For he that borrow must return what was borrowed, if he has borrowed money, he shall return the amount borrowed, but you that have provided that sum should not ask any interest>Quite remarkeble what you learn from just reading the Bible, Every one on this earth should take that phrase to heart"

Unedited, just copied and pasted. Guess who the comment was from? Anonymous. So here is my reply, I thought I'd make it a post and not just a comment hidden away under a post.

Dear Anon,

Do you understand English? I am a mouse, I've never claimed to be brave. This is MY blog. As I've said in many a post, I am sure the person that I am writing about doesn't agree with what I'm saying or thinking, but again, IT IS MY BLOG, and I am entitled to feel the way I feel, right or wrong. And dear 'Christian' reader - who are you to judge?

Furthermore, it makes me wonder, again, if you understand English, I am not a Christian. Quoting the bible is not going to help.

If you so strongly disagree with everything I say and all my ramblings and bouts of feeling very sorry for myself there is a wonderfully simple way of not getting annoyed with me:

STOP READING MY BLOG? ! ? !

Freedom of choice and association and last but not least, freedom of expression. Oops, is that too much for your morals to handle?

It must truly suck to be you.