Just another statistic

Fuck it, enough is enough. He is an asshole and no amount of trying will change that.

On Monday he quit his job of 6 years, because he was offered another job by a personel agency. I was supportive. Monday night we found out that they've only arranged interviews, so I asked: what are we going to do if the interviews don't pan out.

Fuck me sideways for asking. All hell broke loose. I am negative and a negative influence on everything positive on his life. I always drag him down and can never see a positive thing I only focus on the negative. I call it a reality check, he calls it negativity. Needless to say there was no more talking after that and he deemed it fit to have this bitch fit in front of the kids. He also saw the need to sleep in the lounge.

Guess what happened? He went to interviews yesterday and both companies said they can only get back to him in two weeks. So I call and ask, what are you going to do for the next two weeks? Again all hell breaks loose, because why do I have to drain his energy with my shit and so what if he's at home for the next two weeks. He wants to ask my mom if she has any work around the house that she needs done. So my mom has to financially support this? Over my dead decaying body.

Had root canal yesterday, was bleeding all over the place, so bad that the dentist had to burn my gums, which meant the only thing I could eat was yogurt. I love yogurt so I didn't mind, but even this was an issue, cause now suddenly, I've developed anorexia or something to that effect. Asshole.

So at 8 I decided to go to bed, I was tired and my mouth was sore and I'll be goddamned if I still feel I have to explain myself. Seeing that he was in the bedroom all evening, even when we ate supper, I assumed that he'd be sleeping in the lounge again. So, I POLITELY asked if he would mind watching the cricket in the lounge. Another bitchfit: Fine, I will get out of YOUR room, so YOU can sleep. I left it, figured it wasn't worth explaining and let him go on his merry way. Keep in mind, the kids are still awake at this time. . .

I JUST fell asleep and he barges into the room and offers the following monologue:

"That's it. It's over, for real this time. I've had it with you and your negativity and always being morbid around me. And here you lie, acting like a victim again. I am always the bad guy and you do NOTHING wrong. You think you're a princess, in reality, you've made my life a living hell for the last six months and you do not appreciate me and all the efforts that I am making to better the future for us. I don't want to be with you anymore and I am sure your glad to hear that. Just give me time to get on my feet again and I will move out.

Now you can carry on with your life, fuck whoever you want and not worry about hiding it from me anymore...etc"

While this is going on I get an sms. The reaction (you gotta love it) "Who the fuck is that? Loverboy?" It was a friend from Cape Town. At that moment I couldn't have thanked her more - you know who you are - THANK YOU!!!!

Then we spoke like adults, it was a refreshing albeit short change. You know the thing with hindsight being a bitch and all that? Proven true again last night, when we started talking like adults, he rattled off the same old rhyme: I don't really want to leave, I just wanted to get your attention and blah, blah, fishpaste.

Oh boy, did he ever get my attention, pity it wasn't the reaction he was expecting. You know, a person can only take so much of threats and the like and then all of sudden you realise that it's been enough for almost a week now. So, I spoke my mind, short and sweet, 'when it's over it's over and no amount of beating around the bush or trying to beat a dead horse will change it.'

Bitchfit all over again and this time, true to character, it was ME that broke it off. Okay, if that's what it takes to get it over with, I will take the blame. Then we'll all be happy. He will be blameless as usual, I'll be the bitch as usual and hopefully it's done now.

What pissed me off the most - the kids don't need to hear it all the time. He keeps saying that he is just another statistic in a long line of failed relationships. He couldn't be more right. I broke his heart? Ha, bullshit. He doesn't have one!

I say again: I am seriously worried about the damage this might be doing to the girls. They are getting to the point where they ask, rolling their eyes:'Are you guys fighting again.'

Sure, no-one can get along all the time, but this is ludicrous!

I miss being single, having a life and being able to see my friends. They understand when I say - I'm not in the mood for people, I want to be alone or call them at the last minute, telling them to bring themselves and their sense of humour around for a visit. And then when I'm fed-up, I can tell them - I'm going to bed now, close the door and lock up behind you when you leave.

I miss only having to fight my own demons and I DESPERATELY miss laughing about silly stuff when I feel like it.

I WANT MY LIFE AND MYSELF BACK! ! ! ! Seems like I will have to fight to do so, hence the picture :o)

This too shall pass, sooner rather than later, watch this space. . .