My idiocy knows no boundaries

All badges dedicated to my 'dear friend', The Grim Reaper!

Yesterday I got this call - it was the Grim Reaper's best friend's wife (let's call her A). I've been really good in ignoring all his sms's declaring his 'still true love' and 'I miss you so muches'. I was so proud of myself, but yesterday I lost it.

I know he is a conniving son of a bitch and a liar (he could've been a politician), but I was pissed off (again) by his fucking arrogance. Here's what the phone call entailed:

After the pleasantries were exchanged, she launched into a 20 minute discussion about how he was now dating her husband's sister and how the move across country was not for better job opportunities, but in reality to chase after this girl. At this point I was still okay with the conversation, no hassles, I've suspected for ages that he's already 'moved on'. In fact, I think he moved on even before he moved out.

Then she started telling me that the new girlie was complaining about his in bed tactics. Bear in mind that the last time we spoke (about a week ago) he was crying over the phone and telling me that the last time he had sex was with me and he wants that to be linger with him, because, according to him, I am the best in bed of all the girls that he's been with, and believe me, there have been plenty. I did not need to know this. In fact I was so upset that I had to take something to calm me down. I hate taking the blue pills during the day, but had no choice, I have 50 clips in my stomach and couldn't exercise the shit out of my system like I would normally do.

I then decided the only way that I will feel better is if I let him know that I KNOW. So I sms'd him: 'I hear that you're going to the other side of the country to follow a pussy that you can't satisfy. You were always a lousy lay, think you'd better work on that, and while you're practicing, get your dick enlarged too, cause you're underendowed." I actually got a reply: " :o( what did I do to you that you are so pissed off?"

Gee, the list is long, didn't know where to start, so I ignored it.

Can someone out there PLEASE explain to me why this info overshare from A got to me? It didn't just scratch the surface, it struck there where I was convinced that I'd covered it with steel plates.

I know I don't want him back in my life, that much at least hasn't changed, but fuck I'm upset. Worst is I don't know if I'm hurt or angry or both. It's just this knot in the middle of my stomach that I'm too scared to approach and unravel.

Think that it might be that I'm just angry that I believed, for a brief moment, that he still cared, only to find out that he's lied about that, again and I kinda believed it, again. Even though it didn't change anything or open the 'another chance' option, it's still nice to think that there is someone out there that cares and wants you.

Some days, like today and yesterday, I realise again, that I am even more FUCKED up than I am willing to admit to myself or anyone else. How can this possibly upset me - I KNOW (or should've at least) what a lying prick he is. Jesus, I am SUCH a loser.

Who is the bigger idiot here? Me for letting him get to me again or him, giving up his job, selling his car and moving across country after a girl? I don't have the answer, but in theory I think I win the idiot competion by a head or so.