PostSecret Pick of the week

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All the postcards that I publish have significant meaning to me and I try to explain why everytime I post one.

This one is of such baring on my life that I got chills when I saw it. This is a clippet of a mail that I sent to my Mom yesterday:

1. "Sentence for molesting a 10 year old girl: R 500 fine and 3 year suspended sentence. Damage to said girl….abnormal sex-drive, depression, inability to commit to decent men, always settling for someone who mistreats her blah, blah, blah
2. Sentence for indecent assault: 5 year suspended sentence. Damage to girl….reaffirmation that she is a slut, although she didn’t seduce the guy – according to his lawyer anyone that invites a ‘strange’ man into their house is asking for it. According to the pervert I made it all up etc, etc….
3. Ruling in maintenance hearing where father earns R 20 000 & mother R 6 300 – father gets COMMENDED by judge for his behavior in paying maintenance every month and fucks mother through the ears. Damage: not to mother so much as to kids, no more money for school expeditions, no more money for petrol to visit family & friends, no more ‘fun’ money, no more little incentive gifts for good marks in school. For mom: ITC listing – probable outcome – being placed under administration – effect on kids: moving every year, cause mother can never buy own property. On the trauma scale moving is right on top, so what am I doing? Traumatising my children. Is ALL of it their dad’s doing: no, but it would be nice if he could carry SOME of the responsibility of caring for them."

The victim in all of these court cases was me, in case you were wondering. I try not to live like a 'victim' with self-pity and all that, but some days it is impossible to believe that the whole world isn't out to get me.

I have no faith in the justice system, no faith in men, no faith in my fellow man (and woman). The worst is that for 28 years I was a firm believer that there HAS to be good in all people. I have never grieved more than I did the day I realised that it wasn't true, some people are just EVIL. No-one can make this better for me. I am too old now to suddenly meet a great guy and be all happy and content, what I do appreciate about myself is the fact that I am no longer looking and that I've made peace with it and with all the other shit. The only people I truely trust are my kids. Unfortunately I also realise that that will change too as they grow up, but for now, I love 'em, trust 'em and that is enough for me.

What makes it worse? You can never tell the difference until it's too late.